The Story of How We Decided to Go to China

Like, for real.

Once upon a time, Ben and I were killing time on campus. I grabbed a newspaper and started browsing. (On a completely unrelated side note-Rexburg has got to be one of the most boring cities as far as news goes. I read a 3 page article about college age men creating a club to watch My Little Ponies together. Not kidding. Another favorite was the woman who called the cops because her 3 year old was missing. Cops arrived and found the kid fast asleep underneath some pillows. Sheesh.)

Anyhow...

The newspaper had an insert advertising a FREE five dollar bill AND dinner. The catch? You had to come listen to a 15 minute spiel on the International Language Program.

Who doesn't want free money? We were in.

So we went and listened. Basically, the International Language Program (or ILP) sends its volunteers to several different countries (although, they only send married couples to China). The volunteers work at schools and teach English for a couple hours every day. When they're not teaching, they can travel and experience the culture. Cool, right? Honestly, it's pretty affordable, as far as a study abroad type program goes.

And as we left ($10 richer between the two of us, mind you) we felt like crazies because we were like, "What if...?"

And let's be real. It was a huge "What if...?" I mean, both of us are currently unemployed and have been for 3 months. Unfortunately, that doesn't usually equate to gobs of money to spend on flippant travel.

But the more we thought about it, the more we realized that not only could we make this a reality, it would actually be beneficial too. We realized it would help Ben's schooling in so many ways.

Problem: Ben has always wanted to become multilingual. However, he's always told me that he wouldn't be able to call himself fluent in another language unless he lived in the country where they spoke that language.
Solution: The cost of ILP includes language and cultural classes. Ben would be able to learn Chinese and then go right out and practice it. (I'm not as ambitious, so I'll probably just stick to learning tai chi and call it good).

Problem: Ben has been looking at a master's program (called Master of Second Language Teaching--how appropriate is that??) that he's really interested in. However, the program requires all applicants to have taught in a classroom setting for 6 months.
Solution: Teaching in China will totally count for that! He'll get 3 months from student teaching (someday) and 3 months from ILP.

Problem: Before I went to college, I always wanted to do some sort of study abroad. But I didn't because I'm too darn focused. I graduated and got married...so....
Solution: ILP actually gives a discount to married couples. Cha-ching!

So we have been going forward with this, and with all crazy set aside, we have really felt like this is the right thing to do. It seems like the Lord has got our back on this one-what with how everything has worked out (we've even found a way to pay for it!).

China has always been the last place on my To Travel list. Mostly because the culture is so incredibly foreign to me. But I have been getting so excited for this little adventure that we're going to go on.

Especially because I heard the shopping in China is super cheap.

Our Story

I don't know what other people do in the same situation...but when people post on facebook with a link to their blog, I always click on the link and read the post. And likely, keep on reading until I get tired the person's life or writing skills, or until the posts run out. Whichever comes first. I know it's a bit freakish, but I just think people's lives are so interesting.

Anyhow, in the past couple of weeks, maybe in connection with Valentine's day, I've read a lot of blogs about love and relationships. And it got me thinking a lot.

It made me think about my own blog and what I've shared about the love in my life. I looked back over my posts and I realized that I hardly ever mentioned Ben while we were dating. It was just all of a sudden that BAM!! we were engaged!

I think that a lot of the exclusion of our dating was on purpose. Right before I started dating Ben, I went through a really difficult time in my life. I don't mean to sound melodramatic, but one of the hard things was that a lot of people were judging me for the choices I made and the opinions I formed. I was the ward's gossip topic and it got old pretty fast. Turns out trials are a lot more difficult when they're made public.

Anyhow, I think it goes without saying that Ben was the best blessing I could have asked for at that time in my life. He was the reassuring rock that I needed in my time of turmoil and anger. But I think it can easily be understood why I didn't care about sharing details of my life. I didn't want anyone telling me what to do or what not to do. I was sick of people secretly disagreeing with my choices. And so I kept Ben off the charts, as far as the web goes, and shared that part of my life with the people who I knew would support me.

So that's why the whole engagement might've come as a shock.

Anyhow, what with my blog stalking tendencies and reading others' stories, I figured I would share mine. Not because I owe it to anyone. Because, frankly, I don't. But because of the fact that as I've read other stories, I've come to love my story even more. Not just because it's awesome, but because every story is completely different and completely perfect for the person writing it. If you don't have your story yet, I want you to know that when you do, you don't have to worry about it matching any other stories. You just have to trust that your story is perfectly right for you.

Ben and I met officially in October of 2011. We hardly ever talked even though we were in the same FHE group. So when he asked me out after the Thanksgiving break, I figured it was a pity date.

Honestly, the date was fun.
Honestly, he was easy to talk to and kinda funny.
But honestly, I wasn't interested.

However, our stake president had made a kind of "rule" about dating. He encouraged us to give a person 3 dates without assuming anything. No thoughts about what this would turn into or how serious we should make it. He just wanted us to go out and have fun--no pressure. And I really was committed to it.

So we went on date #2. Again, it was fun, but still, not super interested.

The next day was Sunday and Ben made sure to sit by me whenever he got the chance. Here's the semi embarrassing part: he slipped me a note. It looked like this:

So 2nd grade, right? I seriously would have been disgusted...buuuut my sister Heather had been the giver of a similar note the week previous. And I had thought it was really funny then, so how could I judge Ben for doing the same?
side note: And since we've been married, I've learned that Ben's dad did the same thing with my mother-in-law when they started dating. Cute, right? Awww!

I made my own box that said "All of the above" and checked that one.

That night, Ben and I broke the stake president's rules. We had a fairly serious "What the heck is going on" chat. I told him very clearly that I did NOT want anything serious.

He pretended to agree with me.

Okay, if you thought the note was cheesy, get ready for this.

Every week, Ben and his roommate would go to an old folks home in town and sing songs and play guitar for a few hours. So we did some organizing and on Monday, our FHE group headed to the old folks home, ready with songs to play.

Story aside, it was the best activity ever. People played guitar or piano or violin. And the elderly people loved it. They would rock in their chairs or sing along. It was so great. But all the while, I had my eye on Ben. He was so sweet. He helped all of the residents into the room and would find them a good spot to sit. He would put his arm around the old ladies and chat with them like they were his own grandma.

Anyhow, needless to say, he was racking up the points. And to top it off, he sang Israel Kamakawiwo'ole version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." And that's really when everything changed.

That night as I went to bed, I knew that Ben was the one.

It sounds crazy and weird and a little bit freakish. But it's true. I mean, I wasn't ready to admit it to anyone, especially not him. But I just knew that if Ben and I dated, we'd get married.

Over the next couple of months, that little thought was confirmed so many times. Heavenly Father wasn't subtley letting me know that Ben was a good choice. No, He was practically shaking my shoulders and telling me that He whole-heartedly approved. I won't give you specifics, because they're special and I don't care to share them with the universe, but trust me when I say that the Lord was extra convincing.

Honestly, Ben was never a part of my plan. I had a pretty straight forward timeline of my life, and nowhere in it did it include Ben or Idaho or anything like that. But when it happened, I knew that it was right.

So we dated. And became best friends. And really, it was just wondeful. He's not perfect. But he's absolutely perfect for me.

In March we got engaged. After I graduated, he moved to Idaho and I moved home to Springville. The month we were apart was really difficult. Satan really plagued me and tried to get me to doubt our relationship. But Heavenly Father had already given me my answer.

So on June 8th I married my best friend.

And since we've been married (over 8 months now, people!), I've come to love Ben more than I ever thought possible. There are so many things that I didn't know about this guy. Some of them aren't quite as admirable (like his fingernail biting habits). But mostly I am so impressed with the things I learn (like his cooking skills and his scripture knowledge).

With everything that Ben and I have gone through in our short time together, good and bad, I have been so impressed with the knowledge that my Heavenly Father knows and loves me completely. How else would I have been blessed with such a wonderful companion? And to top it off-I get this guy for eternity. Gosh, what a bargain!

So that's the story of me and Ben. I hope it wasn't too sappy for you. But now you all know that I really didn't just get engaged out of the blue. And I really love my husband. Also, being married is the bomb. You should try it ;)

Love, Kim

Randomness

In true Sarah fasion, I need a good old fashion thought spewing post. See below:

When I grow up, I want a super huge kitchen that has lots and lots of storage space.

Turns out signing up for the one month of free Netflix isn't the best idea. Who wants to donate their email for next month?

Having no job/nothing to do is the worst thing ever. I mean, how the heck am I supposed to fill all my time?

Contrary to previous notions, my husband does have money saving tendencies when it's needed. Learning something new about that guy everyday.

Skiing is quite possibly the most terrifying thing in the whole world. But now this Utah Native can claim she's been down a mountain. The mountain was just in Wyoming. It still counts, right?

Is it worth it to drive 40 minutes for a part time job? A well paying job, but nonetheless, part time.

Who the heck knew that selling Mary Kay could be so lucrative. Maybe that's the path I should take. Facials, anybody?

Having no job/nothing to do is the best thing ever. I have time for everything. Even if all that includes is going on long runs, watching Netflix, rereading Harry Potter, and making elaborate meals. How can I sign on to do this full time? (Okay, I know the answer to that but I'm not quite sure I'm ready to discuss it...)

Am I justified in turning down a job interview because the person who emailed me said "would u" instead of "would you?" Where is the humanity? The job requires a bachelor's degree for heaven's sake! They can't even spell out "you???" So...justifiable or not?

Real people! To chat and hang out with! Love it!

Turns out I really like colors. Bright colors. And when I have a house that has a really big kitchen, I will also have a bedroom that is not depressingly red and black.

Ben is my best friend ever. Gosh I love him.The Lord knew what He was doing.

Driving around BYU-I campus makes me want to kill myself as well as the nearest 10 students. They are like the worst zoobies ever. Times 30. Ugh.

Should I spend thousands of dollars on graduate school??

Planning weddings is stressful business. Makes me even more glad I have passed that stage of life.

Okay, people. Those were my random thoughts of life. I hope you enjoyed!

Unfortunately...

I have quite fallen in love with this little puppy:

And let's be honest. I never wanted to be that person.
The person who is actually posting a picture of her dog.

I don't even like animals. Not really. We had one dog while I was growing up. My mom gave him away while we were at school and none of us even noticed.

See what I mean?

I only agreed to this dog because Ben had him before he and I even met.

But I think I would have died by now--what with Ben going to school and me being jobless. But this dog keeps me sane. He's naughty lots of the time...but I still love him.

I hate that I love him.

But I do.

So sue me.

Hooray!

I am super freaking stoked to tell you guys that we have officially found a place to live that is IN Rexburg (nope, not pregnant...sorry if I got your hopes up).

We signed the lease and put in our deposit today.

Hooray!!!

No more driving 30 minutes to civilization!
No more having my husband on campus all day long!
No more no internet!
No more having everything close at 6:30!

And now we can start looking for jobs!

Hooray!

But wait! You haven't heard the best part...

...We're moving into a trailer home! In an official trailer park (but like all trailer parks, ours has a much classier name than it deserves)!

We've got the crazy pet dog, the nicer car than is needed, and Ben is growing out a pretty substantial mustache. All we need now is to have a child named Ethel Mae and we will be certified trailer trash!

But really...In all honesty, I could not be more excited. We'll be living pretty close to campus and we'll actually be able to meet people. People! Like who are in the same stages of life as me. And I will be connected to everyone else because we have internet where we're going. And a microwave (yep, we've gone without that too). And a dishwasher. And not that you care to know--but washer and dryer too! (See all the modern conveniences I've been going without??)

So anyhow, that's my exciting news. You can shout hooray for me too.

A Few Faves

So, if you didn't know, Ben and I are now living in Ashton, Idaho (population 1,127, pets included, I'm pretty sure) while Ben goes to school at BYU-I in Rexburg. We want something closer to campus but, for the time being, our cozy cabin-esque house is doing just fine.

However, we don't have internet. So I've taken advantage of Ben having fewer classes on Thursdays and Fridays by coming to school with him. It's a plus in many ways including I get to spend more time with him and less time by my lonesome. AND I get to commandeer his school account and internet usage while he's in class.

As you can see, it's a win-win kind of situation.

Anyhow I figured I'd let you know about my all time favorite relationship building type books because I'm a nerd and I like to spread the love.




 This book is called "Why We Love" by Helen Fisher. This is more of an interesting read than a self help one. Fisher got a bunch of "in love" volunteers and was able to perform different brain scans to see what part of the brain lights up when you're in love, how long "romantic love" lasts and a couple of tips for maintaining that kind of love. It also explains what happens in the brain when you break up. It's super fascinating and will just make you think, "So that's why I do/have done that."


"This next book is "And They Were Not Ashamed" by Laura M. Brotherson. In case you can't figure out what this one is about, the subtitle is: Strengthening Marriage Through Sexual Fullfilment. I don't know about you guys, but I grew up in a house where you just didn't talk about sex. It was horribly taboo. This author does a really good job talking about sex tastefully. Brotherson is LDS so she does bring in biblical references as well as modern day revelation that support the sanctity of marriage and the expression of love within a marriage. She definitely brings out the spiritual side. I was really impressed with how much content she has in the book-none of which I found repetitive. She uses really clear examples and illustrations. I personally think this book is a "must own" and not just a "must read." She goes beyond sex and talks about a bunch of other aspects related to strengthening your marriage. Toward the end she actually talks about how it's important to help your children learn about sex from a young age. For parents who aren't quite sure how to teach this to their kids, she actually gives a sort of lesson plan with specific things to say or questions to ask for various age groups. It's really an awesome book. And I think it's a great opportunity for couples to be a little more open about their sexual relationship. Another book along these lines is "The Act of Marriage" by Tim LaHaye. He's Christian (not sure what denomination) so he also brings in biblical references. I personally liked "And They Were Not Ashamed" better just because LaHaye seemed fairly outdated (and maybe that's only because the copy I had was published in like the 70s). Anyhow, either of these books are really great for guys to read, just because they help guys kind of see the girl's point of view.

Sorry that was a really long explanation. The next book is "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. First I have to say that my mom was a huge Dr. Laura fan (you know, before she got kicked off the air) and I absolutely hated her (Dr. Laura. Not my mom). I think she's so mean to all of her callers. It drives me crazy. So when Ben suggested I read this book, I kind of ignored him. But one day I got really bored so I opened it and I was floored. This woman gets women. And men. I mean, as I read, I realized that a lot of the things she accused women of doing, I did! I never thought I was a terrible wife, but when I read this book I realized there were so many things I could do better at. The book really helped me to understand the simplicity of men and what their needs are. I really felt inspired to be a better wife. Dr. Laura is to the point and she has really awesome experiences to share. My complaints were that she gets a little repetitive and she refers to guys as "your man" too many times and it got on my nerves (but that's my own personal problem, right?).

I'm not sure if this is available as a book. I've only seen it on CD or kindle. It's called "For All Eternity" by Dr. John L. Lund. If you ignore all the other books I've listed DO NOT IGNORE THIS ONE. It is honestly, one of the best resources out there for married couples. I'm not kidding you. My parents encouraged me to listen to this like 3 years ago. I loved it so much that I went out and bought it cause I was like, "Someday I want a kick A marriage but it won't be kick A unless we listen to this baby every 18 months." Dr. Lund has practiced marriage and family therapy for years. The CD is actually a recording of a 4 part marriage strengthening workshop he taught. It's cool because you can listen to it in parts and he gives you specific things to work on in between each session. He is absolutely hilarious and all his examples are so real. His wife helps him with parts of it. One of my favorite things is that he give some awesome tips on communicating in marriage. Oh my gosh I seriously love this so much! You should go out and buy it now. Or let me know and I will let you borrow my copy. Heck, I'll even buy it for you. That's how much I love it and think everyone should listen to it.

So those are my suggestions for awesome books to read. Even if you aren't dating anyone, you should get a head start on some of these.

The Truth About Marriage

Are you guys sick of me posting about marriage yet?

But really, I've had the same conversation waaaay too many times and I just needed to say something about it.

When you get married, people love to ask,

"So how's married life?"

Which can be compared to someone asking you how your summer vacation was.

It's like, if you really wanted to, you could dive into a pretty huge spiel about how the day you went jet skiing was epic but how another day sucked because you wasted 8 dollars seeing that really lame movie and then blah blah blah.

But you never do go into that spiel because you know that the person doesn't really care, on a day to day basis, how your break was. Rather, he/she was just trying to be congenial.

So you simply say, "It was great." And that's that.

Which is basically what I say to people who ask how married life is. Sure, I could ramble on about specifics, but I usually answer with a simple:

"It's going well, thanks."

However, far too often, after I make this reply, the questioner will then respond with, "Oh that's good. So many people just say that marriage is hard."

Gosh, I just want to whap them upside the head.

Marriage is hard!

But that doesn't mean that it's not also wonderful and so totally worth it.

So I don't mean to make myself sound like an expert, cause I'm most definitely not. But I have taken a lot of courses studying inter- and intrapersonal dynamics and also relationships. Something I've been taught again and again is the myth:

Happy couples don't argue.

I repeat, this is a myth.

I had a friend who told me, "We've been married for 2 years and we still haven't had our first fight."

Honestly when people tell me they don't  with argue with their spouse, all I can think are that someone's needs are being put on the back burner. Someone is saying, "Oh I guess it's all right" even when it's not.

Obviously, every couple argues differently. And maybe you don't want to call it that. Maybe you like the word "discusses" because it seems like less of a threat. Bottom line is there are things that need to be talked about in marriage. And there most definitely will be things you disagree on and that need to be worked out and compromised.

(Random interesting fact: Some people really do work best with the all-out-screaming-match type fights. These people are drawn to more dynamic situations and actually feel closer to their lover when they resolve and make up.)

Obviously learning how to communicate your needs is crucial and can be something that really brings joy to your relationship.

Gosh, this is just making me want to share all the relationship helpers I've learned and spew information at you...but I'll try to contain  myself...

The point is that yes, marriage is hard. Don't let that be a surprise to you. I mean, once you're married, life still happens. And no one would say that life is easy. It's just that when you're married sometimes your spouse is the one who causes you hell. And sometimes he's the one who helps you pass through the hell with minimal scarring.

So just know that it's hard. And it takes work.

But it is also completely and outrageosly worth it.

(And since you got me going, you can expect a post on my favorite marriage/relationship books and sources. Geez louise--I am such a nerd.)