The Truth About Marriage

Are you guys sick of me posting about marriage yet?

But really, I've had the same conversation waaaay too many times and I just needed to say something about it.

When you get married, people love to ask,

"So how's married life?"

Which can be compared to someone asking you how your summer vacation was.

It's like, if you really wanted to, you could dive into a pretty huge spiel about how the day you went jet skiing was epic but how another day sucked because you wasted 8 dollars seeing that really lame movie and then blah blah blah.

But you never do go into that spiel because you know that the person doesn't really care, on a day to day basis, how your break was. Rather, he/she was just trying to be congenial.

So you simply say, "It was great." And that's that.

Which is basically what I say to people who ask how married life is. Sure, I could ramble on about specifics, but I usually answer with a simple:

"It's going well, thanks."

However, far too often, after I make this reply, the questioner will then respond with, "Oh that's good. So many people just say that marriage is hard."

Gosh, I just want to whap them upside the head.

Marriage is hard!

But that doesn't mean that it's not also wonderful and so totally worth it.

So I don't mean to make myself sound like an expert, cause I'm most definitely not. But I have taken a lot of courses studying inter- and intrapersonal dynamics and also relationships. Something I've been taught again and again is the myth:

Happy couples don't argue.

I repeat, this is a myth.

I had a friend who told me, "We've been married for 2 years and we still haven't had our first fight."

Honestly when people tell me they don't  with argue with their spouse, all I can think are that someone's needs are being put on the back burner. Someone is saying, "Oh I guess it's all right" even when it's not.

Obviously, every couple argues differently. And maybe you don't want to call it that. Maybe you like the word "discusses" because it seems like less of a threat. Bottom line is there are things that need to be talked about in marriage. And there most definitely will be things you disagree on and that need to be worked out and compromised.

(Random interesting fact: Some people really do work best with the all-out-screaming-match type fights. These people are drawn to more dynamic situations and actually feel closer to their lover when they resolve and make up.)

Obviously learning how to communicate your needs is crucial and can be something that really brings joy to your relationship.

Gosh, this is just making me want to share all the relationship helpers I've learned and spew information at you...but I'll try to contain  myself...

The point is that yes, marriage is hard. Don't let that be a surprise to you. I mean, once you're married, life still happens. And no one would say that life is easy. It's just that when you're married sometimes your spouse is the one who causes you hell. And sometimes he's the one who helps you pass through the hell with minimal scarring.

So just know that it's hard. And it takes work.

But it is also completely and outrageosly worth it.

(And since you got me going, you can expect a post on my favorite marriage/relationship books and sources. Geez louise--I am such a nerd.)

One Golden Ring?

I hope everyone had a super rocking awesome Christmas.

Ben and I have been able to spend the holidays at my original home (I kept slipping up and saying we were going home for the holidays which made Ben mad cause Springville is no longer (technically) my home). It has been wonderfully relaxing and nice to hang out with the fam. Don't get me wrong-I'm excited to get back to my own place where no one will judge me for hanging out in spandex all day and watching hours of Friends episodes. But the visit has definitely been nice.

So I like posting about wedding stuff because people actually request hearing more (and that's a bloggers dream, right?) and it's on my to-do list to get all this junk written down anyway, so why not via the blog? Anyhow, Ben surprised me with a ring for Christmas (I know, I know, 2 rings?? Especially when my dear older sister has zero?? Don't worry...we're thinking one's on the way...). I figure now is a good time to share this story including my advice for all you looking/waiting for a ring sometime in the nearish future.

Honestly, Ben and I lucked out with our ring situation. Before I even let myself admit to Ben that I knew he was The One, Ben's grandma was trying to pawn off her ring collection to us.

I'd known the woman for like a total of 15 minutes and she pulled Ben and I aside and said, "Now, I know I don't know you very well, Kim, but I have just heard the most wonderful things about you."

She proceeded to pull out her ring collection showing us several options we could have when we were ready to tie the knot. The main one she showed us was this thick yellow gold one with a single diamond in the center. It fit my finger perfectly. What was even more cool about the ring was that Ben's great grandparents had brought the diamond straight home from their mission in Africa.

I wasn't entirely sold on it, though. I had always wanted white gold. And it wasn't quite as sparkly as I wanted. I told Ben he could do whatever he wanted. And, at that point, one of our main goals was to make it affordable. So the family ring was an awesome option. But I think Ben sensed my hesitancy. So he kept shopping.

This is where Ben's friend came in. The Friend had proposed to a girl more than a year before, but it hadn't worked out. He tried to return the ring, but the store he bought it from would only do exchanges. So The Friend did just that: He exchanged it for another ring and simply held onto it until further notice. When Ben called, The Friend offered the ring for an outrageously cheap price. Honestly, Ben got away with highway robbery considering what a deal he was hooked up with. Even better was that the ring is gorgeous and more than adequately sparkly.

Eh? Eh?

Backing up a tad, in Grandma's array of jewelry pawning, she also offered one of Grandpa's wedding rings. He had two Joseph Smith rings (he hadn't been able to decide between yellow gold or silver so he got both). Ben liked the yellow gold one, so we were completely set as far as rings went.

Here's my main advice. If you are on a tight budget while ring shopping, you can definitely find the perfect ring for a good deal. KSL and Craigslist are awesome places to start your shopping. I've heard of people finding exactly what they were looking for for thousands of dollars cheaper because they were willing to do some research and check out other options. The cheapest resizing we found was at Fred Meyer Jewelers (just 50 bucks!).

The only downfall with avoiding the stores is that you don't get any guarantees or warranties. My band already lost a diamond, and we don't have any sort of insurance to take care of it which is kinda lame. And I know that my sister-in-law got a good deal where she can re-dip her silver ring as often as she'd like for free. So there are definite perks to going through a jeweler. But its not entirely necessary if you really are trying to save.

And, in my opinion, you can always go smaller/cheaper now and plan on getting bigger/better/blingyier after you and your esposo make your millions. Right? Right.

Anyhow. After we got married, I started regretting passing up the family ring. It had so much history and an awesome legacy to go with it. It would have been awesome to be able to show the ring to my kids and talk about their great-great grandparents and someday pass the ring on, you know? Plus, it would match Ben's ring more. I told Ben about how I regretted it. And he surprised me with it on Christmas morning!

I was so freaking excited! (I know I look fat-my eyes were tired and puffy! So judge me!;)

This is what it looks like:

Yay!!! I love it!

Anyhow. There's my ring advice. And now you can all be jealous of the fact that I have a ring for every occasion.

I Don't Have Kids Yet...

...But you'd think I did if you knew how many times I've heard,

"Can we open presents?? Pleeeeeeeeeeeease!?"

Someday, raising children will be easier having already had to quelch the excitement of Christmas by "Heck no"ing the pre-Christmas-present opening idea. So really, I should thank Ben, right?

In other news, we have finally found a place to live in the Rexburg area (Christmas miracle!) and will be moving right at the beginning of January. We're pretty freaking stoked.

Hooray! And Happy Holidays!!

Update

Sorry I've been lousy at posting lately. I don't know what it is...I just go through spurts of having too much to write and wanting to write it all...Or having too much to write and not really caring if the world knows.

Anyhow...it's December!! I used to be the kind of person who absolutely would not tolerate anything Christmas related until after Thanksgiving was over. But I have to admit that this year I have taken a different approach and I'm finding I'm rather keen on starting earlier. I figure Christmas is about celebrating Christ...and shouldn't that be the theme all of the time?

That's how I justify it.

Not to worry, though, I have always and will always give Thanksgiving its proper place. After all, it is my favorite holiday.

But now that I'm a married woman, I have to make sure my other half has a Merry Christmas. And it turns out that takes a lot more planning than I'm used to. So between making stockings and trying to find a new place to live (it still looks like we'll be living in a cardboard box come January...), we have been pretty busy.

We weren't planning on getting a tree this year seeing as how we're spending Christmas in Springville and moving immediately after. But after much deliberation we decided to get one. And I'm so happy we did! I love it! Observe:

Eh? Eh? Yeah. I'm pretty much in love.

These were my favorite ornys. Ben didn't want me to get the feather. But I begged.

Isn't it lovely? Ben drove me all around town two nights in a row. The first night I didn't buy anything (I like to find the deals and make sure I'm getting just the right thing. So judge me!)...which is pretty typical for all my shopping trips. So the second night Ben insisted I buy at least one thing from every store we stopped at. Between that and Ben's sister telling us we needed A LOT of ornaments to fill the tree, we bought almost 2 times more than we needed (any craft ideas for leftover ornaments???). But it's beautiful and everything we bought was 50-60% off so I can't really complain.

Ben's been working out of town a lot which means that I stay up late. And work on too many pinterest projects. If I didn't have to wake up in the morning, I swear I'd stay up til 2 every night. So here's a handful of projects I've finished (there's more coming).

I found this from my cute new cousin in law's blog. You should check it out.

My sister in law actually gave me this idea. Her's is way cute and has scrap-
book paper mod-podged on.
I went the easier route and just painted and sanded.
Best part is I found the window in Ben's parent's shed. Free!

Cute tree, eh? Found on pinterest. Didn't buy a thing and took me like 30 minutes.

Cheesy I know. Quote and idea found on pinterest.
(The key to taking those letters off is tweezers. You're welcome.)

I kinda made up my own pillow based on ones I'd seen on pinterest.
The flower took a bit longer. Especially because I had to re-glue.
Ben insists on actually using the pillows. Unfortunately.

I hate having my husband go out of town. But that seems to be the only time I actually get stuff done. You win some and you lose some. At least now I have some pretty fantastic decor items :)

Okay this has been the most random post ever. I hope you enjoyed it!

It's Official...

After lots of deciding and re-deciding...

Choosing and then chaning minds...

 

and a whole lot of general confusion...

Ben and I have finally decided we're going to Rexburg.

Which, if you recall, was our original plan. However, once we got married, we started throwing out a bunch of other options to consider. Like what about Boise State University? That sounded pretty good.

Or BYU-Provo. Closer to my family and friends (always appealing). With the option of me going for a masters.

Or SUU, my old, beloved alma mater complete with awesome professors, familiar faces, and possible job opportunities.

To be completely honest, BYU-I remained on the possibility list, but was always the most unattractive option.

If I can be frank, Ben calls it "Sexburg," a more direct form of the common "BYU-I Do." Referring to the fact that most there are hungry for all things marriage, relationships and dating.

Plus it has a distinct reputation as being completely and utterly freezing in the winter.

Anyhow, our confusion led us to so many possibilities. And for months (I'm not kidding people! Months!) we have vascillated (big word, eh? eh?) from option to option.

Finally, at the end of October, we heard back from BYU-Provo. And they didn't want Ben. And even though my family took it pretty hard knowing we wouldn't be moving close to them, we were absolutely relieved to know that Provo wasn't even an option. It narrowed things down for us.

After a few more days of contemplation, I realized that BYU-I seemed and felt right. When I told Ben this, I didn't expect him to agree with the idea. He had been a die hard SUU fan from the beginning (before he even met me). But when I brought it up, he said that he had felt the same way.

So he accepted his track (Winter/Spring), I told my job that I had to peace out earlier than planned, and Ben and I are currently making plans to move to Rexburg at the end of December.

We have yet to find a place to live...but we're pretty freaking stoked.

 Even if the ever present, hand holding zoobies induce vomit on a daily basis.  ;)

More on the Dress

I thought about more stuff to say about wedding dress shopping...so you guys are going to have to endure through another post...Lo siento...but not really. Cause this, afterall, is my blog...So here's my list of random advice.

You first need to decide if you actually want to buy a dress. Warning: they can be pretty expensive. But I feel like that's something you already know...I know a handful of people who were completely happy renting a dress or borrowing.

Now (probably having something to do with my dad...), I'm a pretty substantial penny pincher, so buying was a scary option for me, especially because I wanted to pay for this by myself. And I didn't want to regret having spent money on it.

But I'm pretty nostalgic. And I married Ben. And he lives under the motto, "If you're going to spend money on something, you might as well get something you really really want." So I decided to buy it, and I haven't ever regretted that decision (the whole 6 months I've had the dress ;).

Something I didn't realize, though, was that buying a wedding dress includes accessories (shoes, jewelry, veil, etc.) AND your alterations. And you've got to be careful with alterations--I heard that some places have a base rate they charge for any alterations. So even if all you need is a bustle, you'll end up apying $100, just because that's how they roll. Laaaame!

I budgeted $500 for my dress. You guys already know that I found The One with just the 2nd dress I tried on. However, it was just above my budget at $550. But when I went on my crazy shopping ravages in Provo area, I tried on this one.

And I really liked it. And it was only $400...My true stinginess came out and I started debating between The One and The One That Could Be The One If I Really Wanted.

I'm uber traditional when it comes to weddings, so I refused to let Ben see anything I tried on. But I told him my predicament and he told me to go for the one I LOVED. And I'm super glad that I spent that extra $50. It was worth it.

I got lucky with my alterations lady and only had to pay $40 for a french bustle and for her to hem all EIGHT layers of my dress. Plus I borrowed a veil that matched perfectly. (Side note: you get so blessed when you get married. Yeah, Satan tries to get you down, but Heavenly Father totally has your back).

Random Advice: Look online at the places you're going to shop at before you actually go into the store. One site I looked at said they were offering $100 off any dress bought in the month of March. I went to that store at the very end of the month and I didn't notice any signs announcing the promotion. So I mentioned it to the guy and he said that I was the only one who had brought it up. I didn't buy from them, so nobody took advantage of the awesome deal!

Final Piece: Remember that your wedding has got a feel/tone/theme...whatever you want to call it...and your dress should match. I tried on this dress...

And loved it (almost as much as The One). I tried it on twice, that's how much I loved it. But when I got to thinking about it, I realized that my wedding was a backyard, garden wedding. And I feel like a dress like this calls for a classier affair and definitely something indoors. So I opted against it.

Anyhow, dress shopping was definitely one of my favorite parts of wedding planning. And my dress was one of my favorite parts of my wedding. So take time and enjoy it! Cause it is super wonderful stuff :)

My Big Fat Wedding Planning Advice: The Dress

I tried like 5 times to write a post about keeping a budget but I kept coming off as a snot...so I gave up on that for the time being and have resolved to write about the thing that I'm most excited for: wedding dresses!

Shopping for a wedding dress was definitely one of my favorite (if not my very favorite) parts of wedding planning.

Ben proposed to me while we were living in Cedar City. My plan was to head home (to Springville) for dress shopping so that I could include my mom and Heather. But let's be real: I was an engaged chick with the opportunity to try on wedding dresses with full purpose and legitimacy. I needed to take advantage. So after being engaged for a few days I set an appointment at a little shop in town and made it a date with my roomies including my best friend ever (minus Ben), Petey.

You can tell a lot about what your experience is going to be like right from the second you walk into a dress store. And let's be real: it is my opinion that when wedding dress shopping, you are shopping for the right experience JUST as much as you are shopping for the right dress. You know you want a "Say Yes to the Dress" moment. Don't deny it.

Anyhow, from the moment I walked into this store, I felt way special. My consultant was incredibly helpful and she gave me her full attention. To me, this was really important. I went to other stores where I walked in and no one helped me or even talked to me. Another opinion I have is that the people you work with while planning your wedding should be happy for you...especially if they are specifically in the wedding industry... See what I mean about coming off as a snot...but really... weddings should kind of be a big deal.

I fell in love with the 2nd dress I tried on. I mean, it was totally the aforementioned "Say Yes to the Dress" experience. When I looked in the mirror, I totally fell in love. I loved how I looked. I loved how I felt. I loved the fact that Petey teared up when she saw me (I've known this girl for like 10 years and I've only seen her cry twice). It was the best.

See? I loved it!

But...

It was only the 2nd dress.

Obviously, I couldn't just pick that one. I tried on more. And more. And then I tried on Dress #2 again. I loved it... probably even more than the first time...but I still couldn't commit. Not yet. And then, in a semi-freak-out, I planned an impromptu trip home so that I could shop up north with Mom and Heather.

I drove home the very next day (peacing out to classes and work) and hit up as many dress stores as possible in a short, one day trip. Here's me being honest: I wanted a repeat experience. Just with different people.

And, really, truthfully, my mom and I have verrrry different tastes.

I didn't get exactly what I wanted when I went home. I didn't get another "Say Yes to the Dress" experience. My mom and I liked different dresses and different features. She liked lace and I liked tulle. And Heather ended up only being able to go to one store with us. However, going up north was not a mistake. I found dresses I liked. I got to shop around with my mom and sister. I got wedding dress shopping out of my system. And after that, I knew that the one in Cedar, Dress #2, really was The One. The trip was well worth it.

I've got lots more to say on this topic...but it's getting late. Trust me, I could keep writing...but I'm trying to be responsible...