The Truth About Marriage

Are you guys sick of me posting about marriage yet?

But really, I've had the same conversation waaaay too many times and I just needed to say something about it.

When you get married, people love to ask,

"So how's married life?"

Which can be compared to someone asking you how your summer vacation was.

It's like, if you really wanted to, you could dive into a pretty huge spiel about how the day you went jet skiing was epic but how another day sucked because you wasted 8 dollars seeing that really lame movie and then blah blah blah.

But you never do go into that spiel because you know that the person doesn't really care, on a day to day basis, how your break was. Rather, he/she was just trying to be congenial.

So you simply say, "It was great." And that's that.

Which is basically what I say to people who ask how married life is. Sure, I could ramble on about specifics, but I usually answer with a simple:

"It's going well, thanks."

However, far too often, after I make this reply, the questioner will then respond with, "Oh that's good. So many people just say that marriage is hard."

Gosh, I just want to whap them upside the head.

Marriage is hard!

But that doesn't mean that it's not also wonderful and so totally worth it.

So I don't mean to make myself sound like an expert, cause I'm most definitely not. But I have taken a lot of courses studying inter- and intrapersonal dynamics and also relationships. Something I've been taught again and again is the myth:

Happy couples don't argue.

I repeat, this is a myth.

I had a friend who told me, "We've been married for 2 years and we still haven't had our first fight."

Honestly when people tell me they don't  with argue with their spouse, all I can think are that someone's needs are being put on the back burner. Someone is saying, "Oh I guess it's all right" even when it's not.

Obviously, every couple argues differently. And maybe you don't want to call it that. Maybe you like the word "discusses" because it seems like less of a threat. Bottom line is there are things that need to be talked about in marriage. And there most definitely will be things you disagree on and that need to be worked out and compromised.

(Random interesting fact: Some people really do work best with the all-out-screaming-match type fights. These people are drawn to more dynamic situations and actually feel closer to their lover when they resolve and make up.)

Obviously learning how to communicate your needs is crucial and can be something that really brings joy to your relationship.

Gosh, this is just making me want to share all the relationship helpers I've learned and spew information at you...but I'll try to contain  myself...

The point is that yes, marriage is hard. Don't let that be a surprise to you. I mean, once you're married, life still happens. And no one would say that life is easy. It's just that when you're married sometimes your spouse is the one who causes you hell. And sometimes he's the one who helps you pass through the hell with minimal scarring.

So just know that it's hard. And it takes work.

But it is also completely and outrageosly worth it.

(And since you got me going, you can expect a post on my favorite marriage/relationship books and sources. Geez louise--I am such a nerd.)